It’s a bit of a conundrum. If my husband has sex with another woman I don’t feel that he loves me any less. His sexual desire for another female does not have anything to do with his love and commitment to me.
On the other hand if I have sex with a “taken” man whom I have feelings for, I then feel as if I’ve won. As if to say see he doesn’t really love you if he’s with me. This seems to be the general consensus of monogamous people but if I step away from it, I know it’s a lie.
How can I believe one thing to be truth but completely dismiss it when it serves me? How can I possibly be so hypocritical?
See what emotions do?
To ease my own mind and make myself the winner in all of this, I declare truth as love. If my husband has sex with someone but is honest about it, he has not betrayed me. If a “taken” man has sex with me but keeps it a secret, he has betrayed his partner.
Anyone who has ever been cheated on knows that it’s the betrayal that hurts. In both cases I’m not being left in the dark and that’s what matters to me . So when I feel I’ve won, it’s not about sex. It’s about the lie. He lied to her to be with me.
Let go of the idea that sex = love and let your partner feel comfortable being honest with you. Honesty, that’s love.