Wednesday, January 17, 2018

A MonogamISH Marriage - What It's Really Like

When We Fight

How did I get here? The clock is ticking toward the new year and despite my desperate attempts to stop, I sob uncontrollably. My husband inters our bedroom where I sit in bed wiping my tears. He sits at the foot of the bed and pleads to me from a place I haven’t seen in so long. “How could you do this”? he asks. “I love you. I don’t want to be with anyone else. You’re my partner. Why didn’t you just ask me”? The guilt of what I have done washes over me and I begin to cry harder as I try to speak the words… I’m so sorry.

This was the reality of my New Year’s Eve. At 11:45pm my husband and I got into one of the worst fights we’ve had in years. We both wanted so badly to be in a place of peace by that all-important stroke of midnight but we just couldn’t get there. We went to bed that night in silent sadness.

This fight, even though it ruined the end of our year, was I think, a turning point for us. My husband was hurt because I had told him that I saw a text message while fixing his phone in which he was telling another woman she was beautiful. I was curious and looked the number up later in our cell phone records. I just wanted to see what she looked like. I was feeling insecure for other reasons and it got to me. He was right. There was no reason for me to go behind his back like that. I could have just asked him and he would have told me anything I wanted to know. It was me betraying him.

Despite the tears, I will look back on that night as something great that happened between us. The dialog exchanged was something we both needed. It was raw, honest, and enlightening. Since that night I see myself in this relationship different than I did before and I think my husband does as well. Our relationship has a new life to it that it didn’t have before and this is one of the best things about an atypical relationship. Sometimes these outside forces press on us but we always end up strengthened from it. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love that man and I love us.

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