Sunday, January 28, 2018

When I Wasn't Looking


I once thought it safe to stay strange. If you’re the other woman, you always know what’s going on. I’ve recently discovered to my surprise the other woman wasn’t me. Apparently the tables turned when I wasn’t looking.

It’s a funny thing a man can do to you when you think your equals. When you both seem to be getting what you want out of whatever non traditional relationship you may be having. There comes a time when a man believes he is in love or has deep feelings for someone else. At which point he must disconnect from you in a feeble attempt at faithfulness. He becomes cold without warning and at times will lash out cruelly leaving you feeling as if you never really knew him and baffled as to why he would act this way towards you because after all you were his secret.

But don’t worry ladies. Soon his new found infatuation will fade and he will undoubtedly return. Why? Well I can only assume it is because he is a man and that means his ego will never allow him rest without a secret. Time will tell if my theory rings true….

Less than 24 hours later...

I’m happy to report that again my theory was proven and in fact, sometimes there is never an attempt at faithfulness at all. Before I knew it I was back where I’m most comfortable. Back where the view is clear the pain is soft.

Sunday, January 21, 2018

I am sexual, I am Christian, and I have questions...




These are just some of the question I have on this topic and I hope everyone realizes that these pertain to consenting adult relationships. Read through and give me your answers or if you have your own questions, leave them down in the comments..







  • Why is it that I feel like I’m the only Christian that embraces her sexuality and does not understand the true reasoning behind sexual “sin”?
  • Why when I Google “Sexual Christian” are the results videos, books, articles, and programs all aimed at helping me overcome this terrible sinful nature of my sexual desire?
  • According to Haslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, basic human physiological needs include Air, Food, Water, Shelter, Sleep, and Sex. Our bodies are designed to crave sex. Why would God make our bodies in this way and then punish us for acting in accordance?
  • Why are men’s minds made to seek sexual novelty if it’s bad to do so?
  • Why aren’t we naturally monogamous?
  • Why does the typical couple only stay “in love” neuro chemically speaking for 2 to 4 years, just long enough to raise a baby into toddlerhood?
  • Why do we become aware of our sexuality at such an early age? So that we can marry young and have offspring? Why does this all happen before our prefrontal cortex (responsible for decision making) is fully formed?
  • Why would God create our minds and bodies to work in direct conflict with his wishes?
  • Why unlike other sins, is sex good for us? Frequent orgasms and close human contact have many health benefits for men and women.
  • If we are all God’s children and are made in his image, why are some people born with a sexual orientation pleasing to God and others born locked into a sexual orientation that will earn them life long condemnation just for wanting the same love others have?  

If anyone cares to enlighten me please leave a comment and lets discuss.

Friday, January 19, 2018

Why Masturbation Is Not A Sin




In doing research on sexuality inside Christianity, I’ve come across a lot of information on why masturbation is sinful. I would like to take a moment to correct this misinformation as this outlook is not only unhelpful but harmful to a person’s sexuality.



Is Masturbation Lust Focused?

It can be. But if this is something you personally feel is wrong, it doesn’t have to be. You do not need to fantasize about another person or situation to have an orgasm. You can simply enjoy the sensation.

Is Masturbation Selfish?

I’ve heard this a lot. Your body is a temple is it not? Would you consider scratching an itch selfish? How about brushing your hair or exercising? These are all activities that you don’t need to do in order to survive but are part of taking care of your temple that is your human body. We have the desire to masturbate for a reason and orgasms have many health benefits.

Here are just a few:

Is Masturbation Addictive?

Anything that produces the release of dopamine can become an addiction but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do them. Dopamine is our brain’s way of rewarding us for positive behavior. Obviously like anything, this has the potential to be abused but that doesn’t make it bad in general.  Everything in moderation!

This is also the question that inevitably leads to questions about porn addiction. I have left that out for now because porn is it’s own topic for another day. But it’s coming soon.

Will Masturbating Make Me Not Want Sex From My Partner?

Some people find this to be true but this can be for many other reasons including lack of sexual education. In fact, masturbating is a way to get to know your own body. How on earth are you going to communicate to your partner what feels good if you don’t know yourself. The female anatomy can be very confusing to men and anything you can do to help them navigate will be much appreciated I assure you. I can’t even begin to tell you the number of women who have told me that they don’t even know what their vulva looks like. Hell, they don’t even know their vagina is called a vulva.

Ladies I implore you, take out a mirror and take a look. If nothing else, just for your own health. It’s important to know what everything looks like in a normal state so that you can identify when something isn’t normal.

Lastly, I would like to just touch on sexuality being something that exists only inside marriage and is something that is not separate. This bothers me because I feel it perpetuates the idea that a woman is not her own person, that she is property of her husband, that her sexuality is something he owns and is something that needs to be controlled. We are not living in ancient times. Sexuality is something that is unique to each person. And if you hold a world view in which you believe in God, this sexual part of our nature was created by that God and is beautiful. Man makes it something it is not. Remember Adam and Eve were running around being fruitful and multiplying whilst naked. Shame belongs on hurting others not on pleasing ourselves.


Wednesday, January 17, 2018

A MonogamISH Marriage - What It's Really Like

When We Fight

How did I get here? The clock is ticking toward the new year and despite my desperate attempts to stop, I sob uncontrollably. My husband inters our bedroom where I sit in bed wiping my tears. He sits at the foot of the bed and pleads to me from a place I haven’t seen in so long. “How could you do this”? he asks. “I love you. I don’t want to be with anyone else. You’re my partner. Why didn’t you just ask me”? The guilt of what I have done washes over me and I begin to cry harder as I try to speak the words… I’m so sorry.

This was the reality of my New Year’s Eve. At 11:45pm my husband and I got into one of the worst fights we’ve had in years. We both wanted so badly to be in a place of peace by that all-important stroke of midnight but we just couldn’t get there. We went to bed that night in silent sadness.

This fight, even though it ruined the end of our year, was I think, a turning point for us. My husband was hurt because I had told him that I saw a text message while fixing his phone in which he was telling another woman she was beautiful. I was curious and looked the number up later in our cell phone records. I just wanted to see what she looked like. I was feeling insecure for other reasons and it got to me. He was right. There was no reason for me to go behind his back like that. I could have just asked him and he would have told me anything I wanted to know. It was me betraying him.

Despite the tears, I will look back on that night as something great that happened between us. The dialog exchanged was something we both needed. It was raw, honest, and enlightening. Since that night I see myself in this relationship different than I did before and I think my husband does as well. Our relationship has a new life to it that it didn’t have before and this is one of the best things about an atypical relationship. Sometimes these outside forces press on us but we always end up strengthened from it. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love that man and I love us.

Thursday, January 11, 2018

In Joy and Sorrow

~ from a season of pain, summer 2016 ~

Rarely do I feel jealousy or emotional hurt from relationships anymore. I pride myself on this so when it happens I feel very confused almost like a stranger in my own head. Regardless I do occasionally feel these things and when I do, I try very hard to quickly identify the source, make sense of it, rationalise it in my head, and file it away as a understanding I can use to quickly dismiss these kinds of things in the future.
The last few days I’ve been feeling something I can only describe as loss over a relationship I chose not to be in several years ago. But here’s the thing… I didn’t choose not to be with this person because I stopped loving them or because it wasn’t working. Really now that I think about it, the choice was made simply because I live in a world where it isn’t OK to love more than one person. It crushes me that I can not be with someone even though I love them just because I love someone else. In fact if this was not an issue I would probably be in three or four relationships at this very moment. But I’m not allowed. I must pick one person while burying my feelings for anyone else. Then I must hope and pray a situation doesn’t arise as it recently has that brutally rips those feelings to the surface leaving me to mourn the relationship over and over again.
All I can do is explore what I’m feeling and learn from it while I watch people I love move on with others that may possibly love only them in a way that I can’t.

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Sexuality Inside Christianity

Introduction

I had intended to write a single post on this subject but as I did more research, and had more conversations with people, I realized this topic is much deeper than I had initially thought.

If you search “Christian Sexuality” in Google or YouTube, you do not get results showing people celebrating a very integral part of their personality and of their humanity. Instead, you are bombarded with resources on relieving people from their “lust”, delivering them from their sexual sin.  It seems sexuality to Christians even inside the covenant of marriage is something that should be removed to keep one from “sinning”.  

I have been a Christian since childhood and sexual for as long as I can remember. Of course, as I’ve grown in age and wisdom, I’ve questioned everything and the conflict between my spirituality and my sexuality has always been something that didn’t add up for me. Something just doesn’t seem right. Telling someone who is born to desire the same sex, that they can’t love or have the same relationship others can doesn’t seem right either.

If you believe in a creator (which I’m aware many people don’t.) that creator, created human sexuality. It’s not something outside of us. Our sexuality is inside of us, is part of our souls. Our desires shape our personalities and become a large part of our world view.

The Bible was written I believe, to an ancient world. Everything is different now. Women are different now. Our relationships with men, our relationship with government and society are all different now. I do not see how we can logically still implement these restrictions. To me that is truly how we are degrading woman today. Woman and men are being shamed for feeling a way that they were created to feel.

This will be a small series of posts covering my questions to what I feel are conflicts. Two major topics I will explore are; what is immoral sexual behavior and why don’t biblical sexual rules match up with the biology and psychology of human sexuality, if they are originating from the same source.

I realize this subject may not apply to some people and that’s fine but it is part of my sexuality and I believe can be applied to any religion or even just oppression someone may feel from family. Please feel free to comment and share your opinion even if it differs from mine. I’m here to discuss and learn. I may be judged for saying these things but I feel its imperative they be said if I wish to live an honest life.

Friday, January 5, 2018

A MonogamISH Marriage - What It's Really Like

I’ve never cared for the term “open relationship”. I’m not sure why. I guess it seems to imply that the relationship is somehow weak like its open to invaders. Not like closed relationships with strong impenetrable walls.
Delving into this world of nonmonogamy, I find myself with resources that talk of compersion (the opposite of jealously) and open, honest, loving dialog exploring each other’s feelings.  Although this is great, for me and my relationship, it’s just not realistic.
My husband and I have agreed on a don’t ask don’t tell situation, where we are free to explore other physical relationships and are aware the other is doing the same but we are not necessarily comfortable swapping details. That being said, I thought I would share what it actually feels like to be in this type of relationship, how I deal with these feelings, and how I use them for personal growth and strength in my marriage.
Like I said, my husband and I don’t communicate our outside relationships to each other. It’s more just something we assume is happening in the background. But there come times when I will come across something that confirms this assumption. Missing condoms, late night text notifications, unknown whereabouts in the middle of the night, or the occasional unintended read message. I’m not going to sit here and say I feel joy for my partner’s outside relationship because what I feel is far from joy. Honestly, its very similar to what I felt when discovering I was being cheated on minus the deception/betrayal which I promise you, is a huge part of the trauma that comes with infidelity.
When I stumble across something that assures me that he is seeing someone else, my heart races and my hands shake. I feel… for a few moments jealously and disappointment, it doesn’t by any means feel good or anywhere close to joy or compersion. But then I stop and think. I also see other people. Does that change how I feel about my husband? Would I consider leaving him for someone else? Absolutely not. Why for some reason do I feel that what I do is totally under control but what he is doing is somehow a potential threat?
I remember once I woke to hearing my husband on the phone with someone else. When I realized what I was hearing I got out of bed and stood at the bedroom door listening to he’s voice coming from the living room. My heart was pounding so hard I struggled to hear him at all. He moved his conversation to the back patio, so I slowly made my way into the kitchen to listen. I don’t know why I did this. It’s not like I was trying to “catch him” or something. I sat down on the steps to our kitchen and listened to him. I could barely make out what he was saying but the tone of his voice pulled at my heart. I hadn’t heard him speak in that tone for years. There was a kindness behind it that I remembered fondly and wondered why aren’t I special enough to still be spoken to like that?
More recently I saw a message where he was calling another woman beautiful. Not sexy but beautiful. I know nothing was really meant by it and men will say anything when they are trying to hook up but beautiful again carried a kindness with it that I missed. Why was he putting all this kindness out there to everyone else and leaving me with what I interpreted as harshness?
I feel like this cultural paradigm of monogamy equating to true love sits in the back of a non-monogamous person’s mind and at times whispers “See he doesn’t really love you”. “If he did, he wouldn’t need her”. “Obviously, you aren’t enough”.  My analytical mind knows these things aren’t true but that doesn’t keep the thoughts from creeping in somehow. I am able to quickly dismiss them just by the sheer annoyance of their existence because I know these thoughts are not my own.
Each time one of these situations presents itself, I am grateful because once I think it out and realize what it is that’s bothering me and it’s never my partner having something physical with someone else. Once I dismiss the bullshit I know isn’t real, I can see the truth. In the examples I’ve given here, it’s simply me missing kindness from my partner and has nothing at all to do with sex.
I entered into this type of relationship as a means of protection from the unfaithful world of human sexuality and for the most part it has worked for me. I do not feel betrayed or lied to but that doesn’t mean I feel happy always. Open is vulnerable but I still truly believe it’s stronger than any closed relationship with walls built on half-truths.

She's the Madonna, I am the Whore

Over the last few months I’ve listened to about ten books covering human sexuality and the psychology of desire. We humans, both male and female have these parallel desires for what we want romantically and what we want sexually. Women seek the strong, confident, protector but we also want him to be caring and cater to our needs. Both sides are usually never found in the same man. It’s always nice guy Vs. asshole. Usually what happens is that we find someone who is mainly either alpha or beta male with just enough of the other characteristics that we can make it work. In my opinion, this leaves us vulnerable to future indiscretions with those males who embody the characteristics our partner lacks. Therefore, non-monogamy is helpful because then you are never putting all of your needs onto one person. But that is a whole other topic for another time.

 Men also have a dual desire. A Madonna/whore complex in which they look for the virtuous Madonna to raise their children and be a faithful partner to them for at least as long as it takes to make sure their genetics are passed along successfully to the next generation. Men also desire the whore, the woman that they can be their true deviant sexual selves with without fear of rejection and judgment. As I have been discovering these things about our dual desires I have been given the very unexpected opportunity to watch this play out right in front of my eyes.

I have had a unique relationship with a man for several years. He is much older, powerful, exceptionally intelligent, and one hell of an alpha. This relationship isn’t what I would call an affair or merrily just a friendship. I couldn’t really classify it as friends with benefits either. Maybe we could call it a friendship with a very sexual nature yet never fully consummated. Like I said, it was and I guess still is unique.

Over the last few months, this man I admired so much became infatuated with another woman. This isn’t something that should have bothered me as there was never anything romantic between us and because we are both married I never really wanted there to be. But it did bother me and it bothered me that it bothered me. Why did I care? This other woman is basic in her looks and below basic in her personality yet he became completely lost in the thought of her. He would constantly tell me that I am so strong, and smart and this other woman is so weak and fragile. I couldn’t figure out why he would say those things. How is weak better than strong? Why would any man especially a man like this want someone weak? Well, because she is the Madonna and I am the whore. He doesn’t need to protect me or save me because I’m strong and as the alpha he needs to be needed. He needs to be that hero that I just don’t need. Problem is, yes, I’m strong and smart and basically a bitch but because of that, sexually I crave that alpha dominance because that is the only situation where I allow myself to be weak.

This whole episode has bothered me so much because I see this alpha man I needed as someone above me, someone I would allow to have control over me, turning into this softer, weaker beta man who has no control over anything anymore.

As I’m watching this man that was once something I needed slip away into something else, I also watch fascinated at the lengths men will go to in order to satisfy their own needs sexual or not. They will risk everything, family, friends, career, all in the pursuit of that which makes them feel like a real man. Even when in reality, the manhood they are chasing is that of a boy.  

Euthanizing Your Heart

There comes a time when you need to prepare yourself for the inevitable emotional torture that lies in wait for you in a relationship. Some may choose not to prepare themselves, and instead decide to live in ignorant bliss until the moment of wretched heartbreak hits. But there are those of us who have learned over time, that there is a way to protect yourself.

Most in a typical “normal” seemingly monogamous relationship will opt to hope for the best and deal with the destruction when the time comes. But those of us with open eyes to the reality of relationships do something different. We slowly and purposefully kill our own heart to protect it.

This can many times be done easily just by asking the questions you don’t want answers to. And when you ask these questions, it is extremally important that you do not react. For example, asking a man you’re dating something that would bother you like maybe who he thought was the best lover he ever had (other than you of course). Something small that would make you feel uncomfortable but you cannot ever show that discomfort,

This is most helpful when you are simply seeing someone. When there have been no promises of sexual exclusivity. These are the most heart safe of relationships but can also be one of the most dangerous if you are not careful. I personally start off assuming as if what I would find to be the worst is already happening and then I confirm it. How many girls did you hook up with on your vacation? If you ask it right and he believes you are not exclusive, he will probably tell you the truth. But you must ask without any negative tone in your voice. Almost with a sexy tone as if you’re coming onto him. Make him think it may even possibly turn you on to know about it.

When he admits to it, when he gives you the answer you did not want to hear you mustn’t flinch. This is what you will build upon. If you do it right, soon he will be describing his sexual exploits to you in detail. This will bother you but it will hurt less each time.

I was once so good at this that I had a man sending me pictures of him with other women. And you know what? He never lied to me, I trusted him, and I always knew where we stood. There were no games and my heart never feel into a space it didn’t belong.  

By introducing these small amounts of pain little by little, you build a tolerance and eventually your heart will slowly become harder and harder until it ultimately goes to sleep leaving you protected and immunized against a broken heart.

He Loves Her, He Loves Her Not

It’s a bit of a conundrum. If my husband has sex with another woman I don’t feel that he loves me any less. His sexual desire for another female does not have anything to do with his love and commitment to me.
On the other hand if I have sex with a “taken” man whom I have feelings for, I then feel as if I’ve won. As if to say see he doesn’t really love you if he’s with me. This seems to be the general consensus of monogamous people but if I step away from it, I know it’s a lie.
Isn’t it?
How can I believe one thing to be truth but completely dismiss it when it serves me? How can I possibly be so hypocritical?
See what emotions do?
To ease my own mind and make myself the winner in all of this, I declare truth as love. If my husband has sex with someone but is honest about it, he has not betrayed me. If a “taken” man has sex with me but keeps it a secret, he has betrayed his partner.
Anyone who has ever been cheated on knows that it’s the betrayal that hurts. In both cases I’m not being left in the dark and that’s what matters to me . So when I feel I’ve won, it’s not about sex. It’s about the lie. He lied to her to be with me.
Let go of the idea that sex = love and let your partner feel comfortable being honest with you. Honesty, that’s love.

Find the Fear in Your Jealousy

When I realized that jealousy is rooted in fear, I found it immensely helpful in figuring out the source of my emotions. Recently I’ve been asking myself what am I afraid of? Why am I insecure in this particular situation.

In each relationship I have or have had, I’ve felt secure. I felt like my partner for lack of a better label, had something with me they couldn’t have with someone else. But I realized today that in this relationship, I’m insecure because someone else can give him something I cant. A normal monogamous commitment. But I find comfort in the knowledge that those commitments break. And when they do, I’ll still be here.

My Own Truth

I have never been so confused about my own feelings more in my entire life than I have been over the last month. Normally I’m quite aware of what I feel. Whether it’s right or wrong it didn’t matter. It was real and it was mine but now…I just don’t know.

Am I jealous? Is that still possible? Am I afraid? Am I competitive? Am I in love? In lust? Infatuated?

I feel as though my own truth has been turned on me. I can’t say he doesn’t really love you if he’s with me and then turn around and say sex means nothing a man can cheat on you and still love you. Or maybe it’s because I know that and that is what’s bothering me. That someone else actually means something. But still I can find comfort in the fact that I’m not the one being deceived. I just have to keep reminding myself that I know the truth.

Bad Girl

I’ve never been a good girl. I can remember having a crush on a boy as young as four. I was in preschool and his name was Jimmy. I remember looking forward to school because I wanted to see him. I remember he would chase me on the playground and I loved it.

Because I’ve been feeling so confused by my multiple feelings for multiple people, I started thinking back. When did this start? Was being cheated on the cause of this? Was I doing this to avoid intimacy? Or is this who I am?

So I started thinking back, all the way back to Jimmy and I can honestly say that rarely was there a time I was only interested in one boy. And I was preoccupied with sex from the beginning. I remember playing doctor with the boy down the street at 5 years old and thinking nothing of it.

Most of the time there was one boy who was my primary focus but there was always a second or a third.

If I go back to my freshman year of high school when I lost my virginity, I usually had feelings for at least two boys if not three.

When I was barely 16 I was in my first three way relationship. It didn’t bother me at all. It was so natural. Honesty I can’t think of a time since then that I haven’t had feelings for more than one person and have felt this overwhelming sense of injustice that I’m only allowed one relationship. I always have to choose which leaves me with a broken heart In one direction or another. And why? Because society says it’s abnormal to be in more than one relationship. Because society says if I follow my heart instead of thier rules I’m a slut. Maybe I’m selfish? Maybe I am a slut? Maybe I’m not normal? All I know is I’m not happy this way. I’m constantly feeling like I’m losing someone I love because I love someone else.

Joint Social Media

What’s this about? I don’t know what’s really going on here but when I see joint social media accounts between a couple, I translate that as oh she doesn’t trust him to have his own. Either he betrayed her in the past or she is afraid he will in the future. I just think it looks bad. Like the guys balls are clearly in the girls purse.

Relationship status -

#Untrustingandsuspicious

👀👤🔪

The Power of Your Vagina

Now I know I’ve said that a man’s ego is very important and is basically how they function but that doesn’t mean you should let them in any way be above you. Just make them feel like they are all the while knowing that you are the woman. You have the true power.

Really, it’s almost biblical. Yes wives submit to your husbands. But let’s not forget the other side to that. Husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church.

So basically let him be the man and think he is in control but you both know that when it comes down to it, you have the final say. Don’t be intimidated. There truly are so many fish in the sea that will treat you the way you want to be treated. Do not waste time on bullshit. And never for one second think you can change him. Remember that you have the vagina, you have the power.💏💪😇

The Difference

Apparently monogamous people realize there is a chance that their significant other will cheat on them and willingly chance it. If it happens, they break up, find someone new, and chance it all over again. 😏 That sounds absolutely horrible to me. When I see my friends worried that someone is being unfaithful to them, checking cell phones, doing drive bys to see if they are where they say they are. Seeing all that energy spent on suspicion makes me so unbelievably thankful for my understanding relationship. I would never ever want to be in that position again.

I just don’t understand the logic of monogamy. Seems unnecessarily painful with a constant undertone of fear.

Step and Fetch

So you busted your man cheating but you’ve decided to stay with him. Of course he promises to never do it again and does honestly feel bad for hurting you. But you’re still angry of course so you keep him on a tight leash. He isn’t allowed to go out anymore or you make him do or buy things as a punishment. Do NOT do this. All you are doing is deflating the all important male ego. Men can not live without a healthy ego and guess what, one of the easiest ways to bring it back to life after you have marred it is by a successful sexual conquest.

Please do not think that the threat of your wrath is going to keep your man faithful because it just doesn’t work like that. All you are doing is making him feel less of a man which brings us right back to ego. There is no magic faithful man tactic. If they are going to cheat they’re going to cheat. Making him feel bad about himself is definitely not going to stop this from happening. If you feel bad for staying with someone who cheated that’s on you. Be a big girl and deal with it.

My Man Would Never

Pffft yeah he would.

I can not even begin to explain how annoyed I get when I hear people say something about how they KNOW their significant other would never cheat. This is usually followed by a description of random acts of violence that would ensue if the person were ever caught doing such a thing. Bitch please your man either is, has, or will cheat at some point. I have been cheated on and i have been the other woman. I have seen men who seem to have everything, family, success, the whole picture, turn around and risk it all for a piece of ass. Even good men, moral, kind men. Sometimes I’m still surprised at just how much they are willing to risk for something so short lived. Just know it’s not about you or your abilities as a girlfriend or wife. It’s not about how fulfilled your man is. It’s about he’s ego and his dick. Plain and simple. It’s absolutely fascinating to me how powerful those two things can be. IDGAF how trustworthy you think he is. Always remember ladies, men are only as loyal as their options.

First Love Forever

It’s a cute idea. High school sweethearts that fall in love, take each others virginity, get married and live happy little monogamous lives. Is this possible? Sure it is but very, very rare. Marrying your high school sweetheart is not the best idea for a myriad of reasons. And I speak from experience, my ex husband was my high school boyfriend. Although, he was not my first sex partner so that may have changed things.

Being with only one sexual partner all of your life… Does this make cheating something that is harder for you to bring yourself to do? Or does it do the exact opposite with that constant itch of basic animal curiosity pushing you little by little until you inevitably give into the urge to scratch?

The Wonderful Male Ego

All you need to know about men is they are 50% ego 50% penis. Stroke both and they will be putty in your hands. Seriously if you ever question a man’s intentions, you can easily find it rooted in one of these two things.

Bros Before Hoes

A little secret… When men say this, it does not mean they put their friendships before a perspective date. Because I guarantee that 98% of guys will hit up their bros girl the moment they think there is a chance to hit it. This includes gfs, exs, sisiers, hell even moms.

What this really means is that they are challenging a bros loyalty to the pack and insinuating he may be whipped. Basically it’s a dare to the ego. There is no deeper meaning of friendship behind this.

Why Did He Cheat?

I have come to learn that women take cheating way too personal. Your husband/boyfriend cheating on you does not mean you’re ugly, fat, not good enough in bed, don’t have enough sex, and most importantly it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. Men and women cheat for very different reasons. Women usually go astray when they feel they are missing something be that mentally, emotionally, or physically and because of that, when their partner cheats they often assume it’s for these reasons because it’s what they can understand. Of course men can cheat for these reasons but usually it’s simply because they had the opportunity, they were turned on, and their penis took over. He wasn’t thinking about how this would hurt you because he didn’t think of it as emotional. Bending the hot delivery girl over the counter did not change in any way his love for you. It’s not personal. It’s just sex and not worth ending a relationship over. Woman need to understand that sex does not equal love. Men just don’t work that way. My mother always told me that sex to men is like a handshake, it means nothing and they will do it with just about anyone. She was right. It just took me years of unnecessary pain to truly understand it. It’s the feeling of betrayal that hurts. If people would just be real with one another and stop putting rules society deems necessary on their relationships we would have a lot more women with happier hearts.

My Paradigm

“Men are only as loyal as their options”. - Bill Maher

You don’t have to love everyone you have sex with just as you don’t have to have sex with everyone you love. One has nothing to do with the other.

Jealousy is rooted in fear.

“Poor is the man who’s pleasures depend on the permission of another”. - Madonna

“Cheating” is not a reason to end a relationship. Deceit is.

Thursday, January 4, 2018

Here We Go...

So here we go… I’m starting a blog. This has been a long time coming. I’ve loved to write my whole life and began to dabble in creating an online presence back when dial up was still a thing. I created fan sites for my favorite band, and eventually started a YouTube channel. Don’t bother looking, those videos have long since been privated.

My younger years were also the start of a lifelong fascination with human sexuality, the psychology behind it and especially the mind of the cheating man. I’ve carried this interest into my adult life and have experienced some very exceptional relationship styles along the way.

I’m very opinionated and passionate when it comes to sexuality and relationships and have a unique understanding. I’m obsessed with listening to audio books, and pod casts on these subjects as well as watching countless hours of YouTube videos. It is my mission to change the way monogamy is viewed, not as a social norm one should conform to just to avoid shame but as an option among many other valid ways one can choose to love.


This may get very personal and will most likely be rated R but I hope to have fun, learn about myself, my marriage, and most importantly about humanity. I can’t wait.

INBEDWITH SHAUNA Ep 25 - Killer Sex

Here rests the bones of what was once my shows notes that I spent a week outlining and a whole day writing... RIP Hybristophilia Intro...