Sunday, January 28, 2018
Sunday, January 21, 2018
These are just some of the question I have on this topic and I hope everyone realizes that these pertain to consenting adult relationships. Read through and give me your answers or if you have your own questions, leave them down in the comments..
- Why is it that I feel like I’m the only Christian that embraces her sexuality and does not understand the true reasoning behind sexual “sin”?
- Why when I Google “Sexual Christian” are the results videos, books, articles, and programs all aimed at helping me overcome this terrible sinful nature of my sexual desire?
- According to Haslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, basic human physiological needs include Air, Food, Water, Shelter, Sleep, and Sex. Our bodies are designed to crave sex. Why would God make our bodies in this way and then punish us for acting in accordance?
- Why are men’s minds made to seek sexual novelty if it’s bad to do so?
- Why aren’t we naturally monogamous?
- Why does the typical couple only stay “in love” neuro chemically speaking for 2 to 4 years, just long enough to raise a baby into toddlerhood?
- Why do we become aware of our sexuality at such an early age? So that we can marry young and have offspring? Why does this all happen before our prefrontal cortex (responsible for decision making) is fully formed?
- Why would God create our minds and bodies to work in direct conflict with his wishes?
- Why unlike other sins, is sex good for us? Frequent orgasms and close human contact have many health benefits for men and women.
- If we are all God’s children and are made in his image, why are some people born with a sexual orientation pleasing to God and others born locked into a sexual orientation that will earn them life long condemnation just for wanting the same love others have?
If anyone cares to enlighten me please leave a comment and lets discuss.
Friday, January 19, 2018
In doing research on sexuality inside Christianity, I’ve come across a lot of information on why masturbation is sinful. I would like to take a moment to correct this misinformation as this outlook is not only unhelpful but harmful to a person’s sexuality.
Is Masturbation Lust Focused?
Is Masturbation Selfish?
Is Masturbation Addictive?
Will Masturbating Make Me Not Want Sex From My Partner?
Wednesday, January 17, 2018
When We Fight
Thursday, January 11, 2018
Wednesday, January 10, 2018
IntroductionI had intended to write a single post on this subject but as I did more research, and had more conversations with people, I realized this topic is much deeper than I had initially thought.
Friday, January 5, 2018
Over the last few months I’ve listened to about ten books covering human sexuality and the psychology of desire. We humans, both male and female have these parallel desires for what we want romantically and what we want sexually. Women seek the strong, confident, protector but we also want him to be caring and cater to our needs. Both sides are usually never found in the same man. It’s always nice guy Vs. asshole. Usually what happens is that we find someone who is mainly either alpha or beta male with just enough of the other characteristics that we can make it work. In my opinion, this leaves us vulnerable to future indiscretions with those males who embody the characteristics our partner lacks. Therefore, non-monogamy is helpful because then you are never putting all of your needs onto one person. But that is a whole other topic for another time.
Men also have a dual desire. A Madonna/whore complex in which they look for the virtuous Madonna to raise their children and be a faithful partner to them for at least as long as it takes to make sure their genetics are passed along successfully to the next generation. Men also desire the whore, the woman that they can be their true deviant sexual selves with without fear of rejection and judgment. As I have been discovering these things about our dual desires I have been given the very unexpected opportunity to watch this play out right in front of my eyes.
I have had a unique relationship with a man for several years. He is much older, powerful, exceptionally intelligent, and one hell of an alpha. This relationship isn’t what I would call an affair or merrily just a friendship. I couldn’t really classify it as friends with benefits either. Maybe we could call it a friendship with a very sexual nature yet never fully consummated. Like I said, it was and I guess still is unique.
Over the last few months, this man I admired so much became infatuated with another woman. This isn’t something that should have bothered me as there was never anything romantic between us and because we are both married I never really wanted there to be. But it did bother me and it bothered me that it bothered me. Why did I care? This other woman is basic in her looks and below basic in her personality yet he became completely lost in the thought of her. He would constantly tell me that I am so strong, and smart and this other woman is so weak and fragile. I couldn’t figure out why he would say those things. How is weak better than strong? Why would any man especially a man like this want someone weak? Well, because she is the Madonna and I am the whore. He doesn’t need to protect me or save me because I’m strong and as the alpha he needs to be needed. He needs to be that hero that I just don’t need. Problem is, yes, I’m strong and smart and basically a bitch but because of that, sexually I crave that alpha dominance because that is the only situation where I allow myself to be weak.
This whole episode has bothered me so much because I see this alpha man I needed as someone above me, someone I would allow to have control over me, turning into this softer, weaker beta man who has no control over anything anymore.
As I’m watching this man that was once something I needed slip away into something else, I also watch fascinated at the lengths men will go to in order to satisfy their own needs sexual or not. They will risk everything, family, friends, career, all in the pursuit of that which makes them feel like a real man. Even when in reality, the manhood they are chasing is that of a boy.
There comes a time when you need to prepare yourself for the inevitable emotional torture that lies in wait for you in a relationship. Some may choose not to prepare themselves, and instead decide to live in ignorant bliss until the moment of wretched heartbreak hits. But there are those of us who have learned over time, that there is a way to protect yourself.
Most in a typical “normal” seemingly monogamous relationship will opt to hope for the best and deal with the destruction when the time comes. But those of us with open eyes to the reality of relationships do something different. We slowly and purposefully kill our own heart to protect it.
This can many times be done easily just by asking the questions you don’t want answers to. And when you ask these questions, it is extremally important that you do not react. For example, asking a man you’re dating something that would bother you like maybe who he thought was the best lover he ever had (other than you of course). Something small that would make you feel uncomfortable but you cannot ever show that discomfort,
This is most helpful when you are simply seeing someone. When there have been no promises of sexual exclusivity. These are the most heart safe of relationships but can also be one of the most dangerous if you are not careful. I personally start off assuming as if what I would find to be the worst is already happening and then I confirm it. How many girls did you hook up with on your vacation? If you ask it right and he believes you are not exclusive, he will probably tell you the truth. But you must ask without any negative tone in your voice. Almost with a sexy tone as if you’re coming onto him. Make him think it may even possibly turn you on to know about it.
When he admits to it, when he gives you the answer you did not want to hear you mustn’t flinch. This is what you will build upon. If you do it right, soon he will be describing his sexual exploits to you in detail. This will bother you but it will hurt less each time.
I was once so good at this that I had a man sending me pictures of him with other women. And you know what? He never lied to me, I trusted him, and I always knew where we stood. There were no games and my heart never feel into a space it didn’t belong.
By introducing these small amounts of pain little by little, you build a tolerance and eventually your heart will slowly become harder and harder until it ultimately goes to sleep leaving you protected and immunized against a broken heart.
When I realized that jealousy is rooted in fear, I found it immensely helpful in figuring out the source of my emotions. Recently I’ve been asking myself what am I afraid of? Why am I insecure in this particular situation.
In each relationship I have or have had, I’ve felt secure. I felt like my partner for lack of a better label, had something with me they couldn’t have with someone else. But I realized today that in this relationship, I’m insecure because someone else can give him something I cant. A normal monogamous commitment. But I find comfort in the knowledge that those commitments break. And when they do, I’ll still be here.
I have never been so confused about my own feelings more in my entire life than I have been over the last month. Normally I’m quite aware of what I feel. Whether it’s right or wrong it didn’t matter. It was real and it was mine but now…I just don’t know.
Am I jealous? Is that still possible? Am I afraid? Am I competitive? Am I in love? In lust? Infatuated?
I feel as though my own truth has been turned on me. I can’t say he doesn’t really love you if he’s with me and then turn around and say sex means nothing a man can cheat on you and still love you. Or maybe it’s because I know that and that is what’s bothering me. That someone else actually means something. But still I can find comfort in the fact that I’m not the one being deceived. I just have to keep reminding myself that I know the truth.
I’ve never been a good girl. I can remember having a crush on a boy as young as four. I was in preschool and his name was Jimmy. I remember looking forward to school because I wanted to see him. I remember he would chase me on the playground and I loved it.
Because I’ve been feeling so confused by my multiple feelings for multiple people, I started thinking back. When did this start? Was being cheated on the cause of this? Was I doing this to avoid intimacy? Or is this who I am?
So I started thinking back, all the way back to Jimmy and I can honestly say that rarely was there a time I was only interested in one boy. And I was preoccupied with sex from the beginning. I remember playing doctor with the boy down the street at 5 years old and thinking nothing of it.
Most of the time there was one boy who was my primary focus but there was always a second or a third.
If I go back to my freshman year of high school when I lost my virginity, I usually had feelings for at least two boys if not three.
When I was barely 16 I was in my first three way relationship. It didn’t bother me at all. It was so natural. Honesty I can’t think of a time since then that I haven’t had feelings for more than one person and have felt this overwhelming sense of injustice that I’m only allowed one relationship. I always have to choose which leaves me with a broken heart In one direction or another. And why? Because society says it’s abnormal to be in more than one relationship. Because society says if I follow my heart instead of thier rules I’m a slut. Maybe I’m selfish? Maybe I am a slut? Maybe I’m not normal? All I know is I’m not happy this way. I’m constantly feeling like I’m losing someone I love because I love someone else.
What’s this about? I don’t know what’s really going on here but when I see joint social media accounts between a couple, I translate that as oh she doesn’t trust him to have his own. Either he betrayed her in the past or she is afraid he will in the future. I just think it looks bad. Like the guys balls are clearly in the girls purse.
Relationship status -
Now I know I’ve said that a man’s ego is very important and is basically how they function but that doesn’t mean you should let them in any way be above you. Just make them feel like they are all the while knowing that you are the woman. You have the true power.
Really, it’s almost biblical. Yes wives submit to your husbands. But let’s not forget the other side to that. Husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church.
So basically let him be the man and think he is in control but you both know that when it comes down to it, you have the final say. Don’t be intimidated. There truly are so many fish in the sea that will treat you the way you want to be treated. Do not waste time on bullshit. And never for one second think you can change him. Remember that you have the vagina, you have the power.💏💪😇
Apparently monogamous people realize there is a chance that their significant other will cheat on them and willingly chance it. If it happens, they break up, find someone new, and chance it all over again. 😏 That sounds absolutely horrible to me. When I see my friends worried that someone is being unfaithful to them, checking cell phones, doing drive bys to see if they are where they say they are. Seeing all that energy spent on suspicion makes me so unbelievably thankful for my understanding relationship. I would never ever want to be in that position again.
I just don’t understand the logic of monogamy. Seems unnecessarily painful with a constant undertone of fear.
So you busted your man cheating but you’ve decided to stay with him. Of course he promises to never do it again and does honestly feel bad for hurting you. But you’re still angry of course so you keep him on a tight leash. He isn’t allowed to go out anymore or you make him do or buy things as a punishment. Do NOT do this. All you are doing is deflating the all important male ego. Men can not live without a healthy ego and guess what, one of the easiest ways to bring it back to life after you have marred it is by a successful sexual conquest.
Please do not think that the threat of your wrath is going to keep your man faithful because it just doesn’t work like that. All you are doing is making him feel less of a man which brings us right back to ego. There is no magic faithful man tactic. If they are going to cheat they’re going to cheat. Making him feel bad about himself is definitely not going to stop this from happening. If you feel bad for staying with someone who cheated that’s on you. Be a big girl and deal with it.
Pffft yeah he would.
I can not even begin to explain how annoyed I get when I hear people say something about how they KNOW their significant other would never cheat. This is usually followed by a description of random acts of violence that would ensue if the person were ever caught doing such a thing. Bitch please your man either is, has, or will cheat at some point. I have been cheated on and i have been the other woman. I have seen men who seem to have everything, family, success, the whole picture, turn around and risk it all for a piece of ass. Even good men, moral, kind men. Sometimes I’m still surprised at just how much they are willing to risk for something so short lived. Just know it’s not about you or your abilities as a girlfriend or wife. It’s not about how fulfilled your man is. It’s about he’s ego and his dick. Plain and simple. It’s absolutely fascinating to me how powerful those two things can be. IDGAF how trustworthy you think he is. Always remember ladies, men are only as loyal as their options.
It’s a cute idea. High school sweethearts that fall in love, take each others virginity, get married and live happy little monogamous lives. Is this possible? Sure it is but very, very rare. Marrying your high school sweetheart is not the best idea for a myriad of reasons. And I speak from experience, my ex husband was my high school boyfriend. Although, he was not my first sex partner so that may have changed things.
Being with only one sexual partner all of your life… Does this make cheating something that is harder for you to bring yourself to do? Or does it do the exact opposite with that constant itch of basic animal curiosity pushing you little by little until you inevitably give into the urge to scratch?
A little secret… When men say this, it does not mean they put their friendships before a perspective date. Because I guarantee that 98% of guys will hit up their bros girl the moment they think there is a chance to hit it. This includes gfs, exs, sisiers, hell even moms.
What this really means is that they are challenging a bros loyalty to the pack and insinuating he may be whipped. Basically it’s a dare to the ego. There is no deeper meaning of friendship behind this.
“Men are only as loyal as their options”. - Bill Maher
You don’t have to love everyone you have sex with just as you don’t have to have sex with everyone you love. One has nothing to do with the other.
Jealousy is rooted in fear.
“Poor is the man who’s pleasures depend on the permission of another”. - Madonna
“Cheating” is not a reason to end a relationship. Deceit is.
Thursday, January 4, 2018
Here rests the bones of what was once my shows notes that I spent a week outlining and a whole day writing... RIP Hybristophilia Intro...
In doing research on sexuality inside Christianity, I’ve come across a lot of information on why masturbation is sinful. I would lik...
Episode 21 - Cougars Vs. Sugar Daddies This episode explores creeping family members, the cougar/sugar daddy double standard, who are...
These are just some of the question I have on this topic and I hope everyone realizes that these pertain to consenting adult...